Knowing when to use first names is one of the quietest tests of judgement in professional life, and one of the easiest to get wrong.
In much of the Western world, it has never been more relaxed about using first names. In fact, many people prefer it.
But here’s the catch: not everyone does, and assuming too much familiarity can send the wrong message.
Cultural Awareness Matters
In formal or semi-formal settings, it’s safer to use a title and surname (“Mrs Bora”) rather than jumping straight to a first name (“Catalina”). This is especially true across Eastern cultures (Asia, India, Southeast Asia), but also Russia and Eastern Europe, where skipping honorifics can be seen as deeply disrespectful, particularly when addressing older individuals.
How Address Conventions Differ
The safer default is not simply “use a title”, the convention itself changes from one culture to another:
- In Japan, the family name is followed by the honorific -san (Tanaka-san). Given names are reserved for close relationships.
- In Russia, formal address uses the given name together with the patronymic — Ivan Petrovich — rather than a title and surname.
- In China and Korea, professional title with family name is common, and position often carries more weight than the name itself.
- In Germany, Herr or Frau with the surname remains standard well into established working relationships, alongside the formal Sie.
- In much of the United States, Australia and Scandinavia, first names are used almost immediately, and insisting on formality can read as distancing.
The principle holds everywhere: begin more formally than you think necessary, and move to first names when invited to, not before
Teaching Children Matters, Too
Kids should generally use honorifics and surnames when speaking to adults. With their friends’ parents, first names may be acceptable, but more traditional adults may still appreciate the formal approach.
If You Are Unsure How to Pronounce a Name, Ask
Not sure how to pronounce someone’s name? Ask. It shows respect, effort, and genuine courtesy far better than guessing.
A Word on Nicknames
Nicknames can be tricky territory. Even if you’ve heard others use one, it doesn’t mean you should, especially if you’re new to the relationship.
A nickname might be something the person embraces or something tied to an embarrassing moment they’d rather forget.
If in doubt, ask where it came from and whether they’re comfortable with it.
And remember: introductions and professional settings are not the moment to pull out nicknames. Skip them in front of senior leaders, clients, or in formal meetings and events.
Respect Is Not Old-Fashioned
Respect isn’t old-fashioned, it’s timeless. And often, it starts with how we use someone’s name.
Frequently Asked Questions
When should you switch to using someone’s first name?
When they invite you to, explicitly or by signing off with it. Waiting to be invited costs nothing; assuming too early can read as presumptuous, particularly across a difference in age or seniority.
Is it rude to ask how to pronounce a name?
The opposite. Asking demonstrates that the name matters enough to get right. Repeated mispronunciation, or quietly avoiding the name altogether, is what causes offence.
Should you use a nickname if everyone else does?
Not until you know the person well enough to know how they feel about it. Nicknames carry histories that are not always affectionate, and they rarely belong in formal or client-facing settings regardless.
Forms of Address, in Practice
Knowing how to address people correctly is a foundational protocol skill, and one that shifts considerably between cultures and formal settings. Our CPD-accredited online course Foundations of Business & Diplomatic Protocol covers forms of address, official correspondence, and the conventions that govern conduct in diplomatic and high-level environments.
Self-paced, with lifetime access and a professional certificate on completion.
